More Social - Less Network

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.

"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” 

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.  Isn't that the truth?  Lately, my life has become a non stop whirlwind of busy.  I have 2 kids, 2 jobs, a ministry and a home to run.  On top of all that I am trying to get into grad school so I've been doing a lot of studying for that.  I do not have much spare time - yet, I still have control over what I do with the time that I have.

Earlier in the year a sweet friend had mentioned that she is trying to not be on her phone unless the kids are sleeping and no one is around.  I have tried to follow her suit (some days I did better than others) and I realized how difficult it really is. 

Someone asked me a few days ago what my hobbies were. "Ain't nobody got time for that" was the first thing that popped in my head.  Yet this got me thinking what it is that I really enjoy doing, what it is that sets my heart ablaze... and whether there is ample time in my life for that.

See what I wanted to do is to identify my biggest time wasters and rid myself of those so I can make more room for the things I really enjoy.

Here's my list of the things that make me happy and the things that I enjoy doing or having:

*** spending time with God (when I do dedicate even a little focused time on a devotion or prayer, I feel significantly better)

*** spending time with my loved ones and friends (I am powered by human connection - my "love language" is quality time for sure)

*** eating healthy (yes, I do indeed enjoy it most of the time - and most of the times when I eat junk is because I have failed to prep a meal ahead)

*** blogging (I missed it but couldn't seem to find time for it)

*** keeping a simple home (I am naturally quite messy but a clean simple home brings peace to my soul so I want to purge my home of clutter and simplify our lifestyle)

*** enjoying nature and reading (oh how I miss both)

All of the above are the things that make me happy, content and willing to live life to the fullest.  I have not had time for those recently so I needed to identify where my time goes and find a solution.

As a result of my contemplation I have announced last week that I will be deactivating my Facebook account. 

Before I proceed - disclaimer - I know that Facebook helps many people stay connected and that it has been very helpful and encouraging to many people.  I get it.  The reasons why I will go off are my personal reasons and may not apply to everyone reading this so please don't you all get offended with me now.

I am choosing to deactivate because:

I believe Facebook is not what "keeping in touch" should be all about.  I want to remember your birthdays and not simply be reminded of it when I log in.  I want to ask you how your trip went and hear all about it with the excitement in your voice.  I want to learn how to ask questions and remember the details of your life.  I want to email you, text you, call you, write to you personally - so you know you're important to me.  On Facebook we throw things out there in hope that someone will notice.  Think about it - when your birthday comes around - which would you prefer: a Facebook message or a personal text?  or even better - a congratulation in person?  I want my children to learn to love other people and be good citizens of the world.  In order for them to learn that - I must set the example they can follow.  Do I want my children to remember me as constantly staring at the screen or as someone who was always present 100% in their lives?

But Facebook is not the only time waster in my life and there are definitely other things that need to happen so I can free up some time for the things I enjoy.  Here's my master plan to complete by Friday.

1. Try to get the contact info of some people to keep in touch while my social network life is down. 

2. Temporarily deactivate Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, VK, and possibly (I am still debating on this last one) Instagram.

3. Remove all those apps from my phone.

4. Remove all games (leaving a few kiddie ones just in case I need to create a diversion for my 3 year old). It all has to go - Angry Birds, Fruit Ninja, Frozen, Candy Crush, Mahjong - all has to go.

Here's what I will miss.
I will miss the updates of dear friends around the world who are surrendering their lives daily to better the lives of those around them.  I will miss their pictures and their posts. - Solution: I will subscribe to as many newsletters as I possibly can, I will follow their blogs if they write them, I will make an effort to keep in touch.

I am intending to stay network-free until the end of the year when I will come back and re-evaluate.  Simplifying life is a process of trial and error.  Some things will work.  Others won't.  But I am refuse to be weighed down by the expectations of the world around me and spend time on things that are not beneficial to myself or my family.  I want to enjoy life to the fullest.

So that's that... on Friday if you try to find me on Facebook I won't be there... but hopefully I'll blog more... hopefully I'll play with my kids more... hopefully I'll go out for coffee more... hopefully I'll pray more... hopefully I'll clean more...

I do want to hear from you.  What are your thoughts?

“They say I'm old-fashioned, and live in the past, 

but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast!” 

― Dr. Seuss

Staring at Oasis in the Desert

It has been a while and it is time to catch you all up on what's been happening to us.

Our family relocated from Brooklyn, NY to Chandler, AZ.  We believed then and still believe now that it was the right decision for our family.  We have spent time resting, settling into our new jobs, figuring out this different way of life, asking God for direction for our life and ministry.

We have also found out that we brought a little unexpected souvenir from NYC - a little baby boy who will be born some time in October.  That turned some of our plans around a bit - but we are truly grateful for this little gift.

We are now settling into a local church and finally finding time to dream of ministry. There is a big project coming up in December - and I am thrilled to tell you about it.  For years we have been hoping to put more meaning into our Christmas, to do things that would really reflect what this season is all about.  And this year we found exactly what we wanted to do.  This Christmas we will be traveling to Mexico to spend time with our dear friend who is taking care of 8 orphans there.  The cost for the entire trip is $5,000 (that would cover everything - from our airfare to all the Christmas presents for the kids at the orphanage and the fun Christmas-y things we want to do with the kids while we are there).  It is quite a bit of money that we don't have but I trust God to provide for us.  If you would like more info - feel free to comment here or contact me through facebook.

I'll write more soon :)

Would I Want To Forget?

The Little One is turning 10 months next week.  I (Helen) have had this post saved in drafts for almost a year now.  I wrote it before she was born.  I just couldn't bring myself to share it.  Couldn't bring myself to peel the bandage for fear that it is still too raw.  Wondered what would happen if I just put it out there?

So many things have happened since this post was written.
1) We got blessed with a beautiful daughter (a.k.a. The Little One).
2) We went to Belarus for like ever (i.e. 3.5 months) - and now that we're back in the States again - I miss my mom terribly.
3) I have graduated with honors and am now proudly putting "Bachelors degree" on my resume.
4) Oh yeah - about a resume - for those of you who didn't know (even though many of you who read this blog also follow our adventures on facebook so you're in the loop) - after 10 amazing years as a full-time staff at Metro Ministries I have chosen to resign and stay on as a volunteer.
5) This change also means that I have a different job now - as of today I am officially employed by Starbucks (and 'yes' I love you but 'no' please don't ask me for free stuff when you come see me at work).
6) Our family will still continue to minister at our Sidewalk Sunday School site in Queens (on a voluntary basis).

Now that you're somewhat updated... allow me to take you back to November 2011.  My reason for finally posting this is that it may bring healing to someone else's raw places. So (holding my breath) here it goes:

As I am counting down to the final days (or possibly even hours) up to her arrival - I must look back at the journey that I took to get here.  

All throughout my pregnancy I was wondering whether I would ever forget...  

Forget how it feels like being empty...  Forget what it feels like going through dozens of pregnancy tests and still getting the same negative result...  Forget what it feels like convincing myself that I am no less a woman...    Forget what it felt like fighting to still have hope...

I was also wondering if I could ever forget what it felt like to know that the little one who once lived inside of me lives no more... what it felt like asking God for answers and explanations... what it felt like not knowing why...

Though most people want to forget their painful experiences (as sometimes they should) - some of our pain should not be forgotten.  There're precious lessons we learn in the midst of our pain.  And our previous losses make us ever so grateful for the current blessings.  How dare I forget the perfect joy I experienced once my current pregnancy went over the week when I lost my previous one?  How dare I forget the overwhelming gratitude that flooded my soul every time I realized the Little One was still there - inside of me?

I remember not being able to write any more.  Tears streaming down my face.  Tears of joy mixed with tears of sorrow.  Tears of hope mixed with tears of sadness.

I do not know your journey.  I do not know what you are going through or have gone through or will go through.  But these 2 things I do know.

1.  I never want to allow painful experiences to shape my view of God, the world, and people around me.  For a man's vision is always distorted in the darkness.

2.  I never want to forget my journey... if for no other reason but to be able to connect with those who are struggling still.

Do not be afraid to be vulnerable.  Do not be afraid to reach out.  You never know who needs to know that they are not the only ones struggling today.

New Name

"You shall be called by a new name, 

Which the mouth of the LORD will name."

(Isaiah 62:2b)

Many things have changed in my life recently.  Our beautiful daughter was born last week and she is a joy to our lives.

I started a journal for her.  I don't want to write in it every day but I do want to capture some of the most important moments and let her know how we felt.  I want her to be able to see her life through our eyes.  And as she gets older, when we may not even be around any more, I want her to always have proof of how loved she was.

While at the hospital I started writing the very first entry in that journal... welcoming my daughter into the world, letting her know how loved and wanted she is and how long we've waited and how blessed we feel. At the end of my entry I signed with a new word - MAMA.

I have a new name now.  I have a new calling.  I am a mother now.  

That changes my life drastically - but I am ok with that :)

Invisible Adoption

I grew up in a very good family.  My parents worked and took good care of me.  My grandparents were always there for me as well.  They wanted the very best for me.  They made sure I had the best education.  They made sure I had my needs taken care of.

There were few things however that they simply could not give me.  No matter how hard they tried to provide for all my needs, they simply could not give what they did not have.  They could not express to me the relentless love that God had for me.  They could not encourage me to develop the relationship with my Savior for they simply did not know how.

That is why God has placed people in my life without whom I would never succeed.  People who treated me like their own daughter, who were there for me through my struggles and insecurities, who encouraged me to follow them as they followed Christ until I could follow Christ on my own. 

Our church was hosting a Mother-Daughter Banquet yesterday in honor of Mother's Day last week.  As I was sitting yesterday at a table beautifully decorated with delicate pink flowers and crispy green apples, I realized on thing.  It has come full circle.  The girl sitting next to me was not birthed by me yet she's looking up to me to encourage her to follow Christ.

We all have people in our lives who need our example.  You don't have to look around long.  There's your child's classmate whose family is struggling and/or are non-believers.  There's an old lady in your church whose children are all grown and moved far away.  There's a teenager in the park you go to with a little baby in her arms.

Adoption does not always have to cost money.  Adoption does not always have to involve lawyer fees or time off work for travel, or even red tape.  Adoption does not have to be noticed nor your sacrifice praised by men.

May I dare you today to consider INVISIBLE ADOPTION?  Simply investing yourself, your life, your experience, your hospitality, your love for the Lord... in a person who so desperately needs you... but will never show it...

I really hope you would...



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It is Multitude Monday over at A Holy Experience and I am still counting my endless gifts:


142. that even when I feel like I have nothing to give - there's more I can do through HIS strength
143. that there's always someone in my life to give to
144. that when it gets difficult - I can always fall back and rest assured HE'll catch me and give me rest
145. that my husband is a creative cook
146. that HE is JEHOVAH JIREH (God our Provider)
147. and that looking back I can testify that we've never lacked what we truly needed
148. and that with that baby growing inside of me HE releases my anxieties all over again by taking care of everything that I need

One Thousand Gifts - #103-117

My eyes are searching through a list of YouTube titles.  I wish I had an idea of who the original performer was.  I select a name that seems the oldest and most authentic...

As the first notes start playing, she is flooded with memories.  The memories we share - the ones I should not be able to remember and yet somehow I do...  the memory of my head resting on her shoulder as she sang me to sleep.  Who would've thought that a tango would become my favorite lullaby?

But there are other memories, I'm sure.  She stands up and starts dancing.  She is so beautiful.  She looks so happy - and all of a sudden so young.  I can't take my eyes off her.  I wonder if she's remembering how she danced with grandpa.  I wonder if I ever get to see her again.

How can I capture this moment?  How can I freeze it in eternity?  How can I stop it right here - her dancing, me watching her?

I can't help but wonder where she will spend eternity...

All this time away from Bryan, all this studying, all this exhaustion - it is all worth this moment right here.

my beautiful grandma

I am grateful...
- for the best grandparents one could ever wish for
- for living under the same roof with my grandparents till I was eleven
- for living in the same town with my grandparents till I was twenty
- for all the reading, and playing and caring that my grandparents did
- for my first English word
- for memories that we share
- that my grandparents always believed in me and thought highly of me
- that they always accepted me no matter what I had done
- for the simplicity of grandma's cooking
- that some things in their apartment never changed
- for YouTube where one can find almost any song these days
- that I have a video of my grandma dancing to "Утомленное солнце"
- that I watched my grandparents love each other deeply
- for learning that my family's been teachers for generations
- that their disapproval of my choices becomes a test of my obedience to God