#5

I am realizing that I put out only 4 new posts this entire year.  Blogging was one of the things that I aspired to find more time for this year - but 4 posts (5 including this one) = epic fail in my book.

Have I not had anything to say?  Have I become too busy to pause and ponder and write down the things that make my heart sing, cry, hope?

Every December we're faced with many broken resolutions.  12 months is long enough to screw up pretty much any resolution you might have set before your eyes in the beginning of the year.  As I am looking back, I am realizing I have failed at every single one of them but one.  And that was stolen from the amazing Lindsay Nixon's mantra - "Progress - not perfection!"

If there was one lesson that stood out stronger to me than ever before... it would be "We all may fall short of the lofty goals we have set before ourselves. But halfway to the finish line is still way better than staying at the start point."

As you examine your year, as you prepare yourself for a new start in 2015, celebrate your victories no matter how small, and be encouraged - you're still better for trying.

More Talking - Less Updating

When I first deactivated my Facebook account - I breathed a sigh of relief. I was excited about all the great things I was making room in my life for.  

Yet, if you are anything like me - you know how fast the initial excitement wears off.  Not even two days after pulling the plug I found myself wondering about something and feeling at a loss without my usual go-to "ask the Facebook world" function.

It's been maybe a week when I was driving down the road from work thinking of all the many fun things that happened that day.  My initial thought was I should just share it on Facebook.  When I realized that I had cut that option off I felt at a loss once again.  It felt weird calling or emailing someone just to tell them a funny story.  It felt strange not to get the likes and responses to something that I knew a Facebook world would appreciate.  

That short moment in my car made me realize how little genuine human interaction we're having these days.  We are programmed by the society to be "How are you doing? - Fine. What about yourself? - Doing ok." kind of a person.  We ask a question but are we really expecting to hear a genuine answer?  Do we really want to know what the other person is dealing with?  Would we be compelled to help?  Are we afraid that we might not know what to say?  And what about sharing your story?  What would the other person think of us if we tell them what's going on?  Will they judge us?  Will they look down on us?  Will the conversation make them feel awkward?

Posting things on Facebook about our lives is much easier and safer than speaking it out loud.  When Facebook got taken out of my life I could see just exactly who really cared to know what was going on in my life.  It was quite an adjustment going from almost a thousand "friends" to just a handful (what a popularity drop!) - yet the interactions I am experiencing right now are much more fulfilling.  There is so much power in asking the person how they are doing... and waiting for an answer :)

I am learning to talk.

I am learning to ask open questions.

I am learning to formulate intelligent answers.

I am learning to connect.

I am learning to laugh together.

I am learning to offer help.

I am learning to rejoice with others.

I am learning to be there for others.

And this has been so much more rewarding than getting hundreds of likes on Facebook.  And so my resolve has strengthened.

So guess what?  When I was in the car that day driving down the road and wishing I could share my day with someone... I prayed and thanked God for all the great things that happened that day... I sent a text message to my husband... I called my grandma... and it all was well.  

Sharing a status update is not the same as sharing life.  Just saying :)

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* I am not suggesting everyone should deactivate Facebook.  I am simply sharing my personal experience of making room for things in my life that really matter to me.  I believe everyone should take a hard look at their life and clean it out of time wasters so there's more room for things that matter.  If you have done so - I would love to know about your journey.

More Social - Less Network

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.

"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” 

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.  Isn't that the truth?  Lately, my life has become a non stop whirlwind of busy.  I have 2 kids, 2 jobs, a ministry and a home to run.  On top of all that I am trying to get into grad school so I've been doing a lot of studying for that.  I do not have much spare time - yet, I still have control over what I do with the time that I have.

Earlier in the year a sweet friend had mentioned that she is trying to not be on her phone unless the kids are sleeping and no one is around.  I have tried to follow her suit (some days I did better than others) and I realized how difficult it really is. 

Someone asked me a few days ago what my hobbies were. "Ain't nobody got time for that" was the first thing that popped in my head.  Yet this got me thinking what it is that I really enjoy doing, what it is that sets my heart ablaze... and whether there is ample time in my life for that.

See what I wanted to do is to identify my biggest time wasters and rid myself of those so I can make more room for the things I really enjoy.

Here's my list of the things that make me happy and the things that I enjoy doing or having:

*** spending time with God (when I do dedicate even a little focused time on a devotion or prayer, I feel significantly better)

*** spending time with my loved ones and friends (I am powered by human connection - my "love language" is quality time for sure)

*** eating healthy (yes, I do indeed enjoy it most of the time - and most of the times when I eat junk is because I have failed to prep a meal ahead)

*** blogging (I missed it but couldn't seem to find time for it)

*** keeping a simple home (I am naturally quite messy but a clean simple home brings peace to my soul so I want to purge my home of clutter and simplify our lifestyle)

*** enjoying nature and reading (oh how I miss both)

All of the above are the things that make me happy, content and willing to live life to the fullest.  I have not had time for those recently so I needed to identify where my time goes and find a solution.

As a result of my contemplation I have announced last week that I will be deactivating my Facebook account. 

Before I proceed - disclaimer - I know that Facebook helps many people stay connected and that it has been very helpful and encouraging to many people.  I get it.  The reasons why I will go off are my personal reasons and may not apply to everyone reading this so please don't you all get offended with me now.

I am choosing to deactivate because:

I believe Facebook is not what "keeping in touch" should be all about.  I want to remember your birthdays and not simply be reminded of it when I log in.  I want to ask you how your trip went and hear all about it with the excitement in your voice.  I want to learn how to ask questions and remember the details of your life.  I want to email you, text you, call you, write to you personally - so you know you're important to me.  On Facebook we throw things out there in hope that someone will notice.  Think about it - when your birthday comes around - which would you prefer: a Facebook message or a personal text?  or even better - a congratulation in person?  I want my children to learn to love other people and be good citizens of the world.  In order for them to learn that - I must set the example they can follow.  Do I want my children to remember me as constantly staring at the screen or as someone who was always present 100% in their lives?

But Facebook is not the only time waster in my life and there are definitely other things that need to happen so I can free up some time for the things I enjoy.  Here's my master plan to complete by Friday.

1. Try to get the contact info of some people to keep in touch while my social network life is down. 

2. Temporarily deactivate Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, VK, and possibly (I am still debating on this last one) Instagram.

3. Remove all those apps from my phone.

4. Remove all games (leaving a few kiddie ones just in case I need to create a diversion for my 3 year old). It all has to go - Angry Birds, Fruit Ninja, Frozen, Candy Crush, Mahjong - all has to go.

Here's what I will miss.
I will miss the updates of dear friends around the world who are surrendering their lives daily to better the lives of those around them.  I will miss their pictures and their posts. - Solution: I will subscribe to as many newsletters as I possibly can, I will follow their blogs if they write them, I will make an effort to keep in touch.

I am intending to stay network-free until the end of the year when I will come back and re-evaluate.  Simplifying life is a process of trial and error.  Some things will work.  Others won't.  But I am refuse to be weighed down by the expectations of the world around me and spend time on things that are not beneficial to myself or my family.  I want to enjoy life to the fullest.

So that's that... on Friday if you try to find me on Facebook I won't be there... but hopefully I'll blog more... hopefully I'll play with my kids more... hopefully I'll go out for coffee more... hopefully I'll pray more... hopefully I'll clean more...

I do want to hear from you.  What are your thoughts?

“They say I'm old-fashioned, and live in the past, 

but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast!” 

― Dr. Seuss

A Different Resolution

Are we well enough into the new year for me to ask if any of you have broken your new year's resolutions yet?  I sure have broken some of them by now... 2 out of 3 to be exact.

I wonder how that happens.  How is it that so many of us are so hopeful on the 31st of December and so shattered by the end of January?  Is it simply that we don't have enough self-control?  Or are we making our goals too vague or too unattainable?  Are we setting a goal without thinking through the action steps that will get us there?

I don't know... and this is NOT what this post is about.

This post is about a DIFFERENT kind of a resolution.

See, one thing I noticed about the new year's resolutions - they are all about ourselves.  This year I will lose weight, I will exercise more, I will eat healthier, I will read my Bible every day, I will get out of debt, I will be a better parent - and even though all those are honorable goals - they are all "I... I... I... I..."

So this year I am choosing something different.  This year I resolve not to seek my own gain, not to focus on how I can better myself.  This year I want my resolutions to be about others.

So here's my UPDATED new year's resolution:

In 2013 I resolve:

*to make my birthday more meaningful by raising funds for the orphans in need instead of hoping for presents*

*to do one random act of kindness each month to a person who is not family or friend (a small and manageable and therefore realistic goal)*

*to stick with my resolution #3 (was not about me but about obeying God in a certain area of my life so it made the list)*

What can you resolve to do this year to make this world just a tiny bit better?

(You may chat in comments if you'd like)

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Links...

(and yes I did sing the name of this blog post as I typed it)

In my search of simplicity and creating more "fully-present time" with those I care about, I have decided to clean up my Google Reader list.

This is what I've done:

1. I left all the blogs of people I personally know.  My friends do not post that often and I love reading updates on their life.

2. I stopped following all of the blogs of people I have never met personally.  I added my favorite blogs into a favorites folder that I can always access when I do have extra time to just chill and read and rest.

3. I looked through the list from step 2 and selected a few blogs that at this time in my life are helping me grow.  I have put them back in my Google Reader.

With that - I wanted to share with you some of my favorite blogs of people I've never met that made it to my Google Reader:

Desiring God Blog

Women Living Well

To Love, Honor And Vacuum

Econobusters

And a few others that I refer to often...

Scripture Dig 

(Scripture Dig is really good but can get quite overwhelming as there's a lot of posting activity - so most times I just scan through and focus on just one or two posts)

Good Morning Girls

Generation Cedar

These 2 below are great (not yet applicable to me much and even though I do not read every post - I do refer to them often).  I think if you have children - they could be an excellent resource for you as well:

Raising Homemakers

The M.O.B. Society

Eating Better While Eating Out

My team went out to IHOP recently.  As you know IHOP is not necessarily the healthiest place to eat.  Even their omelets pack on as much as 900-1000 calories without any sides.  I was terrified.  Somehow admitting that you're trying to eat healthier felt very humiliating and "party-pooping-like".  So instead I studied the menu online in advance - sorted through their healthier options and found a few things that I knew I could enjoy. I had a great meal and a great time with my team.

Tip 1: Do Your Homework.

       - Go online and research the calories and other nutritional info for the restaurant you're planning to attend.

       - Excluding the foods that you definitely do not like - write down on a piece of paper (or type in your phone) all the options that you would enjoy eating.

       - Try to decide on what you want but keep other options in mind just in case.

Tip 2: Know Ahead Of Time What You Will Order

You have already decided what you want - so open the menu on the page where the item is and look like you're picking it from the menu with the words like, "I think I'm going to have                            ". This way it looks absolutely natural and does not cause any awkward feelings with people who are more lenient in their choices.

Tip 3: Close The Menu

If you keep flipping through it - you will have to deal with temptation (especially if you have not developed the taste for healthy eating yet).

Tip 4: Enjoy Your Meal

Talk. Savor. Pause. Chew well.

Tip 5: Say NO to a Dessert.

Or if you absolutely must have something sweet - suggest to split it with someone and only take one or two bites.  This way you get the sweet taste in your mouth without over-indulging... and it's better for your wallet.


How about you?  Are you're striving for a healthier lifestyle? Do you have any tricks that you employ while eating out with friends?